Me and Bird Flu cough

"...I'd just like to say that anyone reading this blog is a disgrace, folks, A DISGRACE. [Uh-hooo] Oh dear, folks, [giggles], I think I ate too much chicken last night for my tee. My ol' wifey from Texas kept on telling me, Mr McLaughlin, you should in Chicken Boygers on Thoysdays anymore because you might get Bird Flu. Well, I thought she was only kidding but [uh-hoooo], it seems I've caught bird flu. Oh well, me and my bird flu cough folks. [Uh-hooo] [Shuffles tie to centre of shirt]

"...[Brings together thumb and forefinger menacingly, indicating that he wants a pencil]. Pencil People, Pencil. I need to do the register and I can't do it without a... Pencil People, Pencil!!! [Someone bravely puts their hand up to point out that he has an array of several pencils protruding mischievously from his shirt pocket]. Oh dear folks, those are my Graphics pencils. [In a whisper] I can't use those, no I can't, yes preciousss, no I mustn't, yes preciouss...

"...OK, well, I'll see you later folks. Now, stand up and put, I say, put your chairs under your tables. [Starts waving his hands around like a mad conductor at a classical music festival]. Off we go, [uh-hooo]