It's a conspiracy I tell thee!

HOLY COW! We've not updated this thing since October?! Well believe it or not, we have a genuine reason why we've not updated.

Now, I bet you're all thinking we've not updated because Fan #2 and I have been busy with our upcoming exams and the horrors of our Mocks.



That's only part of the reason believe it or not.



But just recently we discovered the real reason...a CONSPIRICY!!!!

A conspiricy so horrible it makes the moon landing conspiricy look like kid's play.

Yes, dear readers...we have become victims of....dun-dun-daaaaaa:



McLAUGHLIN-ISM!!!!



What is McLaughlin-ism I hear you ask? How has it affected us? What did I have for dinner?



Let me tell you.



The first answer is simple: Chicken, chips and a glass of coke.

The second and third require a little more explaining.



To put it simply, Mr McLaughlin was an alien.

WITH A DEADLY ALL CONSUMING VIRUS!!!!111!!1!111!!!!!!



This virus, known as TKmR-MAX Special is a special virus unknown to Man, Dog, Whale or any other animal you can think of (except the mongoose...but we don't like to mention them).

Believe it or not...if you have ever hung around Mr McLaughlin for more than 10 mins...he will have already have mentioned this deadly virus to you on an average of 50 times.



That's right...the TKmR-MAX Special has a specific code word in our Earthly language: Bird Flu.



EVERY SINGLE BLOODY MINUTE OF THE BLOODY DAY HE WOULD YAMMER ON ABOUT BLOODY BIRD FLU!

And what he really meant was this deadly virus.



The TKmR-MAX Special is a peculiar virus...it can affect biological organisims on a minute scale, although if you had to put up with Mr McLaughlin on a long term scale (e.g. from years 8-9) the effects would worsen. Observation has noted the symptoms as being:



MASSIVE CONFUSION!

MASSIVE BOREDOM!

SUICIDAL TENDENCIES (Especially if you had an afterschool det)!

EXTREME AGGRIVATION!

ONE HELLUVA HEADACHE!

A DUCK!



There is also another thing that the TKmR-MAX Special can affect...THE COMPUTER!



However the difference between the two is, that although symptoms in a Biological organisim can appear almost immediately, in a computer the effects can appear years later (e.g. yr 11).



So Fan #2 and I were hardly surpised to discover that our blog has been blocked from the school computers.

We know that this is not the work of a highly intellegent school filtering system, no, it is really the work of A CRAZED SUPER-ALIEN-BIRD FLU-UBER-VIRUS!!!!



McLAUGHLIN-ISM HAS AFFECTED OUR SCHOOL COMPUTER SYSTEM!



Fortunately Fan #2 and I have allies in the CIA, the FBI, the TTFN, the PHD, the PSP, the GMT, the GMTV, the DNA, the DMC, the LED, the SOS Brigade, the SPEW, the MMPR, the DESU, and the DATTEBAYO!

(We couldn't get any allies in the PMC organiztion though...we suspect another conspiricy) who provided us with all the info we needed about this threat to humanity.



So next time you think we have abandoned you....REMEMBER McLAUGHLIN-ISM!

STUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNING
STUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNING
STUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUTGARTSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNING
STUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNING
STUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNING
STUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGFGSFDSFGSTUNNING
STUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNING
STUNNINGMcLAUGHLINSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNING
STUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNING
STUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNING
STUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGDESUDESUGSTUNNINGSTUNNING
STUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNING
STUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNING
STUNNINGHOLLANDSSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNING
STUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNING
STUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNING
STUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNING
STUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGXBDFGHDHSTUNNING
STUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNING
STUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNING
STUNNINGSTUNNINGKERDUMPHSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNING
STUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNING
STUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGLOLCATXDSTUNNINGSTUNNING
STUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNING
STUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNING
STUNNINGKERCLOMPSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNING
STUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNING
STUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNING
GAH
STUNNINGSTUNNINGKUDEHGRAHSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNING
STUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNING
STUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNING
STUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNING
STUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNING
GRUNHILDA
STUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNING
STUNNINGSTUNNINGOVER9000!STUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNING
STUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNING
STUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNING
STUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNING
STUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNING
STUNNINGSTUNNINGMARDIGRASSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNING
STUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNING
STUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNING
STUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSPIDERPIG!STUNNINGSTUNNING
STUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNING
STUNNINGIFYOUSAYSOSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNING
STUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNING
STUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNING
STUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGCAPTJEAN-LUCPICARDSTUNNING
STUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNING
STUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNING
STUNNINGKILLSWITCHSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNING
STUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNING
STUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGENGAGEXDSTUNNING
STUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNING
STUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNING
STUNNING>:3RAWR,I'MALIONGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNING
STUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNING
STUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNING
STUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGJESUSCHRISTIT'SALION!
STUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGQUICKGETINTHECAR!
STUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGLOL
XD
XD S S
STUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNING
STUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNING
STUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNING
STUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNING
STUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNING
STUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNING
STUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNING
STUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNINGSTUNNING

How ridiculous was that?!?!?!?!

Fan#1: ~Desu.

Fan#2: ^^'

Fan#3 (new member): all your mclaughlin r belongs to us, ZOMG

Fan#2: You're still a temporary member Fan#3... even if you are taller than me

Fan#1: OM NOM NOM.

Fan#2: OK you two, back to your cells (drags away)

Fan#1: NO! IT ARE MY BIRTHDAY!

Fan#2: *Attaches face restraints to both and drags them to cells*

See ya!

Folks, I'd Just Like To Say Thank You...

" Folks, since there was so much attention on the post 'McLaughlin Mathemclaughlics', the University of M.A.R.T.A. has created us a special course known as, [eh-hoo, eh-hoo] Mathemclaughlics! Well folks, when I heard about it, I said to myself, I said, "Mr Mclaughlin! Your superior intellect has spawned it's own University degree. How should I repay them?

"Well, I asked my wifey from Texas. I said, "Ol' Wifey O' Mine, wadduya think o' this?

"And She said, "O' Husband of moyn, I fink that this is a woynderfuyl idea. Maybe we should celebrate by habing triple meaty deluxe mageboygor this thoysday!!

"Well, I said, I say, I said, of course ol' wifey o mine. I'll just throw you of a cliff!

"And that's exactly what I did!"

But really folks, we'd just like to say thanks for the great response on that post and hope you like what we keep on doing. Cookies are still available for comments!! XD XD

What he thinks of you...

Yup, we went up to our old ... man (OAP) and asked him what he thought of you. No, not just you. YOU in particular. Now, if you don't know what we're talking about... neither do we. So don't worry.

"Well folks, to be thoroughly honest with you, I think you are ... amazing. Yup, according to God, whom I recently had a cup of tea with, all human beings are amazing and I should treat them all like my neighbours. Which naturally means that I should have disputes with you about car parking. I think you're amazing even though you parked your car on my land. Yes it is my land. Not yours. STUNNING FOLKS. Before I get to pout disapprovingly at you, let me unleash BIRD FLU upon you! Die! [Ahoo-ahoo]

"... well folks, after that little stunning old argument, we should move onto the real reason I'm talking to you. Without further ado. But before I say this, I'll have to talk to you about Holland. Did you know that there is a country in South America which speaks Dutch? No. Of course I did, I live everywhere. I AM GOD! Yup, it's true. God told me himself. [Fan #2 thus far. Fan #1 now takes over the interview]

"... well, uh, errr...., yeah... um... I was gunna... no... ummmm.... uh, maybe... no... emmmm....I'm stuck here. Oh, I Know [Fan #2 resumes control] I'd like to complain about the lack of Holland in England. I mean, folks, they all end in 'land' so surely they should speak McLAughlinese and all be 250-year old lizards married to imaginary Texan's who have (Fan #1 I AM THE LIZARD QUEEN!!!] BOYGERS ON THOYSDAY and generally seem to use 6H pencils for things that were not designed for. Oh, we should all also all claim to be from another country and confuse all of our languages so they all sound the same. Or, as we say in Espagnol, 'identical'...


"Getting back to the point, I just wanted to tell you... not anyone else, just YOU, something. It's-"

I'm afraid that that is all we're legally allowed to write. Keep reading folks ^^[fan #2]~Desu[Fan #1].

As we say in French....

One of the biggest things that struck Fan #2 and myself was Mr McLaughlin's complete and utter inability to get his Countries and his Native Languages correct.
I can see you going "Huh?" at your computer screens as you read this, but hear me out.

Picture this, you're sat in a classroom, listening to Mr McLaughlin gabble on about something or other, and finally the blessed bell rings and you can escape his clutches (At least until afternoon registration).
You stand behind your chair and wait patiently for a dissmissal and all of a sudden, out of NOWHERE he says to the class:

"Well folks, goodbye for now. Or as we say in French...Sayonara!"

Suddenly the whole class does a mental double take, you look around, puzzled to the other 30 pupils in the class, (who by that point would have had a 3 year French education I might add) everyone in the room is going 'WTF?' in thier heads.
Having this wonderful French education, we know full well that Sayonara is far from French (it's Japanese as a matter of interest), yet Mr McLaughlin is stood at the front of the room acting as though it is!

That 'aint the worst of it either! There was no escaping the worst of this klaptrap on Thursday mornings! (Damn you PSE....)

Again, he'd be babbling on about something and at some point, numbers would enter into the babble, so he'd go:

"Yup, 3+5=8! Or as we say in Spanish: drei+funf=acht!"

WTF??
Complete FAIL~Desu!
Drei, funf and acht are GERMAN! NOT BLOODY SPANISH!

Honestly! Did he think we'd had no education up to this point that we couldn't distinguish between French, German, Japanese and Spanish?
Or had he just completely failed his Modern Language and Geography GSCE's?

I'll never know.

You didn't comment....Now he's out to get you....

Yep, that's right. Fan#1 here with a special doomsday announcement, (cue air raid sirens) we've tried being nice, we've offered you cookies, we've even offered to dedicate a post to you-but the comments are not flowing people!

SENSE THE TONE!

Well since playing nice has had no effect-we're resorting to our final measure.
Since I am the only (living) student ever able to successfully answer back to Mr McLaughlin, he now owes me a favour.

At this very minute, you people who have not commented are recieving a phone call from McLaughlin himself-a phonecall that will most assuredly traumatize you for life and the grave (Woooooooo.....) you who are reading this now.....
COMMENT! AND YOU WILL BE SPARED A HORRIBLE AND VIOLENT PHONECALL!

When He Returns... Part2

We'd like to warn all readers that reading this blog may result in permanent head trauma and indirect incapacity to men who claim to be Dutch... We apologize for any involuntary side effects but who have to remind you that you had been warned...

READ ON IF YOU FEEL PSYCOPATHIC ENOUGH...

[Cue music from some horror film]

What would you do if you found out that your old teacher was not
actually a teacher?

"Oh my god, no! Argh, help!"

What you you say to all those you knew?

"I don't know how to say this, but..."

What you you do...when he returns?

DUHN-DUN!!!!

In tonights episode of When he returns, we take you behind the scenes at our Research Department where our chief correspondant, script writer, typist, druggie and researcher, Fan #2, has uncovered some unsettling details about Mr McLaughlin's past.

"Well, guys, I just don't quite know how to tell you this...

"I was researching our beloved teacher on the interent when I came
across an ultimate guide for teacher reference, the popular website, otherwise
known as Rate My Teachers. I checked the grouping for our school, and he wasn't
there.

"Understandably so, since he was only there for a year and a hlaf-term.
But I believed that he deserved an account, so I followed all of the steps to
create a new teacher account, when, the unthinkable happened. This brief message
popped up on the screen:

"'We at Rate My Teachers are sorry to say that we
had to remove this person as one of our admin has reported that he/she is
not a
teacher.'"

"NOT A TEACHER?!?!?!?! OMG, Argh!"

After a brief fit, Fan #2 recovered and was able to resume his
commentary.

"So, I thought I'd try again, to check, and sure enough, the same
message appeared. My heart was in my throat."

Truly terrible news. We never believed he was a good teacher and Fan#1 and I had our doubts as to whether or not he could teach, but to find out that he couldn't teach at all? Well, that shocked us, to say the very least... Thanks for reading...

PS: As a mild incentive, those who leave comments will now officially have posts dedicated to them. Come on, comment! We'll love you forever! [Although, I don't know if that's a good thing or not... XD]

What if? Part 1 - the Wellacre Episode

Now, right at this very moment, I'm going to answer to one, extremely important question that has been burning in the back of your minds forever. What would happen if he came back? Well, in the first installment of this gripping saga, we [the McLaughlin Number #1 Fan team] are going to take a look at the thrilling story of what happened if and when McLaughlin came back!!!

[cue music from Psycho or the Shining]



Narrator: A short while back now, we caught news that our beloved
teacher had wound up at a local boys school, Wellacre, teaching the subject that
he invented, Graphic Goddamn products. At first, we didn't take it seriously. We
couldn't find him on the website at Wellacre and neither Fan #1 nor I knew
anyone from Wellacre, so there was no way of proving that. All that changed when
he arrivied.



[cue: Dunh Dunhhhhh!!!!!]



Narrator: No, not McLaughlin, but a boy from Wellacre. Yup, he arrived
and mentioned that one teacher that struck fear into all of our hearts...
MCLAUGHLIN! OMG! ARGH! He confirmed it to us on several occasions, including
listing many of the odd habits that you have heard on the absolutely amazing
blog, the stunning
blog, and a few new ones. But it was him alright.

[cue: fearful violin music that upsets everyone deeply]

Narrator: But it was the final turn of events that horrified us the
most. **** [from the ****! Ball! Bustop] incident ran into him in ... the
Trafford Centre!! OMG! That's, in case you didn't know, is only five or ten
minutes from the school from which he was sacked initially. more n this truly
devasting news in the next episode...

[cue: Absolutely irrelevant outro music, that in fact makes this entire
entry out to be the actual joke that it is!]

So what do you all think? Should we commission episode 2, or should this entire project lie in the dirt? PLEASE COMMENT! I'M BEGGING YOU! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!!! :)

Hello! My name is...

MCLAUGHLIN! Yup, that's his name. You can sing songs about it!

PmC that's his name That name again It's PmC!

[in case you couldn't tell, that was a poor spoof on the Mr Plow song featured in the Simpsons]

See, a song! And what a song too! Mr McLaughlin spoke about songs once. He was quite distressed about music on the whole...

"...back in my day, there was no such thing as music. If we wanted
music, folks, we had to buy an orchestra and write music for them. On the spot!
All of these new fangled things that you call 'bands' well, I'd have to say that
they don't impress me, sir. As a matter of fact, they are not impressing me.
I'll just have to reitereate that they are not impressing me at all
sir!!!"

"...Oh, before I insisted that they weren't impressing me, I must tell
you a very important thing. At the moment, there is a conspiracy. It's ultimate
top secret. In fact, it's so top secret I'm going to repeatedly bash you over
the head with a jig-saw until you forget it..."

[someone points out that it is not in fact a jig-saw that he is
brandishing, but actually something else which I, Fan #2, cannot remember the
name of]

"...Well then! I think that that is just disgraceful! You sir! My room!
3.25! T1!

MY ROOM 3:25 T1!!!!!!!!!..."

In response to that, I'd like to say... blah...

McLaughlin Mathemclauglics

Yeah, make sense of that title! Nyah! It's almost impossible to say and you'll find yourself wondering 'What the hell does that mean?'

Well, as always, we're happy to fill in the blanks and explain that it is actually McLauglin's rather odd interpretation of Mathematics. According to him...

"...Ten out of Seven people are bad at fractions..."

"...150% of people are bad at percentages..."

And, he had another yet dispicable joke, taking the thorough michael out of Liverpudlians. (Don't worry any of you out there, we are semi-liverpudlians ourselves).

"...Liverpool and Manchester United are playing against one another in the FA Cup Final. It's has ended up on penalties (yeah, unlikely, I know, Liverpool would win without even blinking...), and the penalties have been going on for ages. Both teams have gone through all of their players and even the keepers have taken one. So, The United team decided to challenge the Liverpool team to a times table competition...

"...Naturally, not wanting to be shown up by the chumpy Mancunians, they accepted, despite fully well knowing that they were as hopeless at Maths as the people in the crowds.

"'OK, we'll give you one question. Get it right, you win the match. Get it wrong, you lose'...

"'OK,' the Liverpool team reply. They select Carragher and Gerrard to answer...

"'First question, what is ... 999 multiplied by 3459384757?'...

"They were clearly stumped so Carragher just blurted out a random answer...

"' 345873849587345839485,' he said..."

"The crowd, not wanting their team to lose, yelled out..."Give them another chance!"...

"So, not wanting to seem unsporting, United accepted and this time Giggs asked...

"'What is 55 multiplied by 60?'...

"Thinking that he might actually know this one, Gerrard has a try...

"'Uh, it's 5660, likhhh,' he replied, desperately looking to the crowd. Upon having seen the United players dispondant look, they realized he was wrong again. "Give him another chance!"...

"With extreme reluctance, they did it again and really, they were getting bored. Stuff it, they thought, we've already won the Premiership. So, Scholes steps up and puts another question to them...

"' What is 3 times 5?"

"'Easy,' Gerrard cried. "15!!"

"'Give him another chance. Give him another chance!"

How long winded can you be? That was basically inferring that even if they got the answer right, the Liverpool fans (yes, that includes Fan #1 and I) thought he was wrong... Duh!

Pencil People, PENCIL!

Ah the pencil thing! If you are new to the world of McLaughlin, then this might be making you go o_O.
Fear Not! Fan #1 will explain the infamous pencil thing!!

Whenever Mr McLaughlin took our register he would never have a pencil. So instead of going and actually getting a pencil like any normal person would do, he would stand at the front of the room and call:

"Pencil people, PENCIL!"

But that's not the best part, while he did this he would tap the thumb and middle finger of his hand together rapidly. You can do it too! Just repeat the action stated above, put on your stoopidest voice and call out:

"Pencil people, PENCIL!"

Now you too can become a never having a pencil guy!

The pencil gag has become famous in the absence of Mr McLaughlin, I myself added it to my impressions of the guy, it's right up there with the Tie adjust impression, the Queen of England impression and the Boygers on Thoysday!
Maho!

The Incident with the ball and the bus stop

Yes, we're documenting the infamous 'Ball!' incident in which a student was enjoying a game of football with some friends...

"...**** [sorry, no names]! BALL! BUS STOP! CAR! WHY?

[**** stared at him for a short while before McLaughlin walked off,
apparantly taking it no further. Everyone around **** was baffled as to what
McLaughlin was babbling about and were eagerly discussing rumours when **** came
out with it...]

"Look, right, we were playing football at the bus stop and the ball
rolled away and hit Mr [History Teacher]'s car. Suddenly, McLaughlin appears and
gives me a funny look, alright. Then, he walked away. What a freak,
right?"

Yep, what a weirdo... But, whenever I know talk to **** I usually greet him by quoting this speech. Very funny indeed.

Howdy Folks

"..I managed to track down Fan #1 and Fan#2 and they gave me very kind
permission to leave a post on their rather STUNNING blog. So, I will no doubt
waste the opportunity. One day, I was in Holland and I saw Vincent Van Gogh [we
heavily edited the next part out to save you all the humiliation of hearing the
joke again. For those who haven't heard it, however few that may be, it's called
the infamous Vincent Joke, one of our first posts.]

"...Uh, I have bird flu. But here's a way to stop yourselves becoming like
draconian old me. When cooking in Chicken, first Marinade it in ... COUGH
MIXTURE! [cringe]..."

Yup, that's what he said. Live with it!

200 years...

Maho! Fan #1 here! My internet died recently so I've not benn able to contribute, but it's suddenly decided to work on my laptop today!!!
To celebrate, I'm giving out cookies!...Or I would be, except that I ATE the cookies....ahem.

Instead I'll tell another McLaughlin incident which I remembered recently:

At our school, the students sometimes do a form assembly in front of the rest of the school, but for once it seemed that the teachers were doing one. Mr McLaughlin told us about this and decided to give us a small part in the assembly. (We were...thrilled *note the sarcasam*)

"Now folks, all I want you to do is: when I ask how long I've lived in Holland, I want you all to say '200 Years!' I think it's safe to say that NONE of us were really listening to him much, so we agreed.

So we went down to assembly while Mr McLaughlin went to get ready. It turned out that the assembly was about different cultures, so one of the French teachers was stood at the front, gabbering on about god knows what in French, when he asks Mr McLaughlin to come in.

My first thought when I saw him was: "He looks like Tony The Bloody Tiger." He was dressed in orange biking gear with a orange and black stripy cycling helmet on.

He then started to go on about Holland, and then he said: "And how long have I lived in Holland?"

The response was about 7 people of the 32 in our form giving a half-hearted "200 years....." murmering off into silence.

Needless to say, we felt stoopid, Mr McLaughlin was annoyed and the rest of the school got a good laugh at our expense.

Well thats all from me for now. Pray that my net connection lives on! Maho!! XD

Oh, I should probably put in a disclaimer, Tony the Tiger is the property of Kellogs. Not Us.

New Template

I didn't want our blogs looking to similar so... I changed this one to a more McLaughlin friendly colour scheme. It still has orange and now looks more like that countryside that Mr McLaughlin contructed from the waste of human destruction...

"...folks, if you listen to this nonsense, I'll throw you all off a
cliff!..."

Heh

Mr McLaughlin applies for a job (thanks AGB!)!

"...Howdy there folks. I want a job in this here working establishment. Where do
I sign up, I say sign up? [I felt like making him a Texan for this post, in case
you were wondering...]..."

[Manager comes out and inspects what seems
remarkably like a Texan Hobo standing by his front desk]

"...uh, yes, of
course you can have a job. But, you, err, need to be able to speak fluent Dutch
first..."

[McLaughlin puffs up proudly and says]

"Ah, I speak
excellent Dutch [spiels off a load of Dutch]..."

[Manager looks
worried...]

"Uh, no, you have to be able to speak double Dutch..."

[McLaughlin suddenly becomes crestfallen]

"...Awh, but it took
me a darn tootin' hundred, I say hundred, years to learn single Dutch.
Goddamit!"

[Actually believes it and goes off, only then to post a
message on a local notice board. It read...]

"...Howdy y'all. I'm
searchin' the lands for a Double Dutch teacher to teach me how to say 'Never
mind your stupid Double Dutch, I say pistols at dawn...'..."...

I wonder...

I wonder if Mr McLaughlin was as old as he claimed. No, seriously, although 250 years old seems odd, think about it. He could pronounce 'Llanfair...' and he could speak fluent Dutch, yet he was teaching Graphic design at a High School. Bizarre. He could have at least taught Dutch. [Shrug].

(This epic story is dedicated to Baldylocks, to whom this severe and unusual punishment was dealt.)

"...Folks, when I was in Holland, I went to a cafe and I saw Vincent van Gogh
and I-"

[Baldylocks sneezes and Mr McLaughlin
shoots him an evil glare]

"...Gezund Heit, as we say in Spain [glare
fading away to a grin]. So, I said, Vincent, ol' Vincent, would you like a
drink? He said-"

[Baldylocks sneezes again]

"...come on ******,
don't play around [Baldylocks is about to protest his innocence when the story
continues]. And he said, no, I've-..."

[Baldylocks sneezes a couple of
times. Mr McLaughlin, in a hissing rage, turns on
him.]

"... NOW NOW, sir, I EXPECT BETTER FROM MY OWN CLASS. I'LL SEE YOU
AT MY ROOM, 3.25, T1..."

[Baldylocks protests 'But sir...']

"NOPE, I'LL SEE YOU IN MY Room, 3.25, T1."

['But']

"RIGHT, SIR, I'LL SEE YOU THERE TOMORROW AS WELL. Oh, did I ever tell
you about the time I met the Queen of England. Stunning it was. Quite
stunning..."

Oh, I just need to mention this, to prevent myself infringing any copyright. Both Mr McLaughlin and the Dutch Football team are Copyright of PmC. :)

"Sayonara, as we say in French!"

Making fun of him! Part the second!

Well as promised, for all of the comments we got I'll tell you the second part of the story. Maho!

Ok, now where was I.....

So Mr. McLaughlin calls me over and he says: "***** (Note the absence of the 'young' in front of the name, he means business baby!) I don't find it very funny that you want to do that behind my back, I'd think much better of you if you were to do that to my face. Do you want to say anything?" Ok I'll admit, as he said that, several stupid comments came to mind, but hey! I'm not stupid, I didn't say them of course, I just shook my head. "Alright then, go back to the stationary shop then."

So...My first telling off by Mr. McLaughlin, needless to say, the first thing I did when I got back was jump and ajust my tie. XD Things like this go right over my head.

Once again, thanx for the comments *Throws confetti* but if you do want to leave them, refer to the previous post! Maho!

^. .^ <----Cat.

Don't use our names, dammit!!!!

Fan #2: On this blog, we are uber careful not to go and use our names (note the *** and slightly excessive use of pronouns and references such as 'a brave student' or 'Fan #1/2). As much as we appreciate the comments, try not to use our names or we're dead meat!!! However, thanks for all of the comments, we really appreciate it and keep it up - you're our new fanbase!!! THANK YOU!!! (I'd just like to say sorry to Matt G and Wall for deleting their comments, but safety first, as O Great One often said!!!)

Fan #1: Salt Bagels, Maho!

Fan #2: Hmm... Anyway, back to the Duality that is Human existance, Mr McLaughlin is alive and well in our minds and would like to contribute too.

"... Well folks, I'd like to say, STUNNING! I hate you all and sentance you
to severe deaths by being thrown off a cliff! You know, in my day they used to
do that. Anyone that didn't listen to a teacher was thrown off a cliff!!
[Uh-hoo]..."

Fan #1: This is how we blog it, McLaughlin style!!!

Fan #2: Heh.

Run and hide 'cos he can see you.

YES!!!! It's him!!! Thank you for all of the comments as well. Fantastic, or should I say STUNNING!

Come on, Matthew left a comment, why can't anyone else!!!

This post is for all of you miserable people that can't be bothered contributing!!!
Contribute please! Anyone who does gets a post dedicated to them ~(and a cyber-cookie, cos Fan #1 is just eager to give them away)!! =)

"... Young *****! I expect to see some work from you in the next few minutes! But in the meantime, feel free to prat around on my laptop. It's shiny and ooh, look at this! I discovered a whole pack of three thousand fonts!!! I'm now going to interupt the lesson and teach you what each font looks like, so in the future you can say 'Mr McLaughlin showed me that font and for that I call him O' Great One''. Hmmmm....

[He idly clicks on several fonts and gasps with amazment to find that they only differ in the height of each letter].

["Uh, sir," one boy points out, to the various groans of disappointment from every other living organism on Earth, everyone one of which are currently dying of boredom, "Why are all of them the same?"]

"...sir they are not that same!! How dare you. You can stay behnind at 3:25, my room, T1 and we'll go through each one of them!"

Everyone laughed at stupid boy... How stoooopid!!!

If anyone is wondering why someone spelt the word stupid like 'stoooopid' it was because Fan #1 had a randon sugar rush and decided that it would be more appropriate. (Yep I sure did! Maho!)

If like me, you don't have the slightest idea what 'Maho' means, then fear not. Neither does Fan #1 ( Much to contradict me, she has decided that she does know what Maho means, but it is completely irrelevant and I just don't care...)
(Fan #1 says: Watch 'Pani Poni Dash!' to understand Maho!)

Making fun of him!

Wow! 2 posts in one day, dun dun duh! Hi all, this is the aformentioned Fan #1 speaking (typing technically) doing a little add-on to the previous post about one instance that sticks out in my mind....

Myself and Fan #2 were sitting at the Stationary Shop during lunchtime
and I was doing one of my Mr. McLaughlin impressions.
Believe me, I'm a seasoned pro at these impressions, when I do
them I do them well. I don't like to brag.....Who am I kidding? I LOVE to brag!
I do the voice, the cough, the hand guestures, even the little jump and fix the
tie thing he did. Now it just so happened that while I was doing an impression
Mr. McLaughlin walked past and saw me. He must not have been as clueless as he
looked, since he cottened on that I was doing an impression of him. "Young
******," he said "Do you think it's funny to be doing impressinons of me?"
What would YOU have done in this situation? "I don't expect to see you
doing impressions like that again." After that he started to walk off, and I
(like the crazy, homicidal, fool that I am) decided to do an impression for the
road....BIG MISTAKE!!

It just so happened that as I jumped up and did the tie fixx-y thing, the guy turns around! So he calls me over and he says.... Wanna know what he said? Then comment people! WE NEED COMMENTS!!!

Snappy remarks

As he was so gullible and easy to make fun of (sorry if you're reading this, ew don't mean it...) Fan #1 often made several rather snide remarks which he often didn't get. I'm going relive a couple of those conversations...

Number 1

Fan #1: [Upon hearing Mr McLaughlin rant on about how he has bird flu for at least the 10th time that day] Mr McLaughlin, how do you spell Hypochondriac?

Mr McLaughlin: Young ******(Fan #1's name), I believe that it is spelt H-Y-P-O-C-H-O-N-D-R-I-A-C.

Fan #1: I thought so, I justread it and was making sure it was right. Does the word mean anything to you?

Mr McLaughlin: Uh, young ******, I think that it's a person who says they're ill when they're not really.

Fan #1: [In amazement that he still hasn#t understood her implication] OK, er, thanks.

Odd, I'm sure you'll agree.

Number 2

[Fan #1 walked into the room, slightly late]

Mr McLaughlin: Young ******!

Fan #1: [Imitating his voice and pulling a face like his, at the front of the room, with everyone watching] Mr McLaughlin!

[The whole point of this was that he always referred to everyone as 'Young (insert name here)'. Even with the impersonation, he laughed and let Fan #1 sit down, totally unpunished. I gawped in disbelief!]

Remember folks, stay stunning!!! (I'm gunna try and upload a pic of Mr McLaughlin onto here sometime soon. Keep a look out!!!

Noooo... It's another Joke!! Run for Cover

Yup, I'm going to torture you all with another cruel, obnoxious Mr McLaughlin joke which I only remembered (or improvised upon, whichever) with the help of Bog Brush and a certain Wall. I'd like you all to remember, this one is their fault! (Oh and thanks for our comments! It's always cool to get a good review!).

"Uh... Right folks, [uh-hoo], one day in Holland, I was visiting a canal.
You see, I built that canal and I felt the need to tell everyone on every boat
that that was the case. Yup, I built it with the help of the Queen of England.
Now anyway, something really terrible happened you know. A red boat crashed
straight into a blue boat (sorry that the blue is a bit pale but you can't read it otherwise...) and do you know what folks? They were marooned..."

Yeah, it's awful, I know, but come on, give the guy a break. He was a 250 year-old reptile trying to cheer us up after giving us all break-time dets, which by the way, wasn't very fair... Stay Stunning!!!

Me and Bird Flu cough

"...I'd just like to say that anyone reading this blog is a disgrace, folks, A DISGRACE. [Uh-hooo] Oh dear, folks, [giggles], I think I ate too much chicken last night for my tee. My ol' wifey from Texas kept on telling me, Mr McLaughlin, you should in Chicken Boygers on Thoysdays anymore because you might get Bird Flu. Well, I thought she was only kidding but [uh-hoooo], it seems I've caught bird flu. Oh well, me and my bird flu cough folks. [Uh-hooo] [Shuffles tie to centre of shirt]

"...[Brings together thumb and forefinger menacingly, indicating that he wants a pencil]. Pencil People, Pencil. I need to do the register and I can't do it without a... Pencil People, Pencil!!! [Someone bravely puts their hand up to point out that he has an array of several pencils protruding mischievously from his shirt pocket]. Oh dear folks, those are my Graphics pencils. [In a whisper] I can't use those, no I can't, yes preciousss, no I mustn't, yes preciouss...

"...OK, well, I'll see you later folks. Now, stand up and put, I say, put your chairs under your tables. [Starts waving his hands around like a mad conductor at a classical music festival]. Off we go, [uh-hooo]

Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch

Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch

It was inevitable that we brought this up. He had a very strange affection for this word and seemed to thoroughly enjoy ridiculing us all by pronouncing it perfectly. He'd then get us to try it, to only receive a whole array of "Llainfair sdfushodfuihsdfnsd" or "LLanfiarfdjsdfisdfnsdonfoisdnfisdnfoisndfgogogoch". That was until...

"...Alright folks, I want you to all listen (huh-huh). I'm gunna tell you a delightful story [if reading aloud, try to emphasize the word delightful by giving it a 'Sylvester the Cat' pronounciation]. When I was a mere 100 year old, I fell in love with a beautiful lady from Texas. And I said, I said, 'Wifey o' mine, will you marry me?' She said yes of course but refused to discuss it to this very day. [Why, I hear you ask?] Well, my wifey can't say Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch. Can you say Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch? I can say Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch. But you can't say Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch. [A brave student chimes in by saying 'sir, I can say Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch. Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch] Ah, well, I'd like to see you in my room, T1, 3.25. [why sir? he asks, mock innocence scrawled in sloppy handwriting across his face] uh...for being rude to your teacher. You must now and forever refer to me as the 'O' Great One..."

Whoo. What a legendary speech. We'll never forget it. Remember folks, Stay Stunning!!! Don't forget to check out our sister blog, Marta of Iceland!

Was he Dutch?

Right. We were all very concerned as to where Mr McLaughlin was actually from. He seemed to be able to pronounce the unpronounceable Welsh town names (you know, that one that starts 'Llanfairpwfwyn...'), spoke very fluent Dutch, and spoke English without an accent. What's wrong with that, I hear you all cry out? Well, he also claimed to have grown up in Holland, along with playing for the Dutch National Football team. Surely that's impossible, considering you have to have Dutch citizenship. So, was he Dutch? We'll leave it to you...

The Queen of England Spiel

This is the all time classic Mr McLaughlin speech. It is quite well known amongst McLaughlin lovers everywhere!

"... well folks, I, uh, I have something to tell you. Last week, I, uh, saw the
Queen of England. Yup, the Queen of England I saw! Stunning it was, stunning. She said, Mr McLaughlin [pauses to laugh], what a stunning Graphics teacher he is! Stunning!!!"

It may not seem like much, but I promise, this is our personal favourite quote. We still are, to this very day, wondering exactly whether or not the Queen approved of his visit. Even in the days when he first told us that story, we were ever so slightly sceptical. In response to our doubt, he bravely defended himself by saying;

"... folks, that's not very nice. I tell you a story and you don't believe
me. Why don't you believe it? [student explains that the Queen has no time for
visits by Graphics teachers] How dare you? You're wasting my time here
folks. So instead, I'll waste yours. So, meet me at my room, T1, 3.25 and
we'll continue our discussion then!"

This was predictably unpopular. But it wasn't only because he didn't usually show up at 3.25, moreover, that he then denied it and kept them behind the next day too.

"...[in response to someone saying basically what I said above], I was there.
You weren't. If you had just waited for a minute longer, I would have got there.
We had a staff meeting. [Student informs him that he/she waited until 3.40, the
longest that were allowed to be kept behind]. Uh-uh folks, I was there at 3.35.
[Student cheekily says 'so, you admit that you weren't there at 3.25?'] Uh?"

Thank you for reading such a long winded entry. I just couldn't help myself. :)

"... Remember folks, stay stunning!!!..."

Holland - The Infamous Vincent Joke

Mr McLaughlin was rather famous for insisting that he once lived in Holland. Then, he came out with the world's most abismal joke, which went vaguely along the lines of this;

Well folks, once, I was in Amsterdam and I went past a
stunning, yup stunning, cafe. Well I thought, yes I thought to myself, Mr
McLaughlin, sir, you deserve a coffee. So, I stopped off into cafe and lo and
behold - I saw old Vincent van Gogh, huh-huh. So, I went over to him and said,
"ol' vincent, d'ya want a drink." [Stupid laugh] and Vincent said, he said, "No
thanks. I've got one 'ere..."

If you don't get it, don't worry, neither did any of us until he explained it the fourth, maybe fifth time (the point is that Vincent van Gogh only had one ear and he says "I've got one 'ere", which sounds the same). Oh and just to clarify, this blog is absolutely nothing to with www.mrmclaughlin.com , which actually refers to someone else. Not this Mr McLaughlin

Prepare to be Stunned!!!

Yup, for all of you sad people (and Mr McLaughlin of course), we have done it!! The McLaughlin blog. Visit weekly for updates and we'll post loads of random junk that Mr McLaughlin told us during his (very) brief spell as our form tutor. Our top of the range stories include his epic tale of seeing God in his Kitchen, the heartwarming conversation he had with ol' Vincent in Holland and the Earth-Shattering visit to the Queen. We also have random Texas pronunciations from his ' ol' wifey from Texas' XP